Bolsover 10k

Today is the Bolsover 10k, which I hadn’t intended running but as L has pulled out due to her back injury it would have been a shame to have wasted the number.

We ignore the marshals trying to get folk to park in the town centre and get as close to the start at Bolsover School as we could. This was a good call and we got a great spot in one of the side streets.

The race route takes us around the outskirts of the town before heading out into the countryside in a big square before another jaunt through the town to the finish back at the school.

I slotted into a steady but acceptable 4:30 per km pace that I manage to maintain most of the way round. The course was undulating but had no real hills to speak of.

My pace went AWOL in the last 2k which I’m sure was down to poor km marking rather than my pace dropping which I think I maintained well. I had thought at one point that I was on for a 43 but in the end I only just break 46. A 45 is acceptable, just, a 46 wouldn’t be. 45:57 is therefore ok, just.

L had briefed me earlier and warned me not to win anything, such as the Over 50s Ladies. As if. Luckily I ended up running close to two such over 50s Ladies, one of which left me for dust about 3k from the end. I also made sure that I crossed the line just behind the other just to be on the safe side.

On checking the results later it appears that neither of them we over 50 at all. Sorry girls, I’ve never good at judging ages. Luckily there was one sprightly oldie who clocked 39:30, well out of my league, but it appears I came second and have won a prize. Yay. I mean ooops. I wonder if get a trophy as well? We leg it before the presentation, hopefully they’ll give it to someone else.

Clowne Half Marathon

Today is my first crack at the popular Clowne Half Marathon. Just myself and 800 others make our way to the Clowne Community Centre for the start where the weather is cold but there’s hardly any wind or rain, yet, or would that be snow?

It’s a playful course with nicely undulating terrain but no massive hills. It’s certainly not a quick course. Parts are very scenic but other parts, like the A619 Chesterfield to Worksop road, are not. This particularly long drag from mile 11 to mile 12 with cars whizzing past your heels at 60mph was not the highlight.

As I once again have a dodgy calf I take it easy but I hadn’t intended taking it 1:50 easy, ten minutes slower than at Leicester. It’s a decent workout though and a decent race. It's chip-timed with drinks in bottles and with a goody bag that takes two people to lift.

The goody bag contained a Lucozade sports drink, an iPro Sports drink, a banana, a Tunnock’s caramel wafer (all the way from Scotland), a small Soreen Malt Loaf, a Warburton’s six pack of crumpets and the obligatory assorted leaflets. You could also top it up with their homemade flapjacks.

Then there was the Christmas Theme T-Shirt in red, naturally. Oh dear. The less said the better about that but they’ll be plenty appearing in the charity shops in the next few weeks.

Leicester Half Marathon

It’s almost perfect conditions for the Leicester Half, if perhaps a little cold but it’ll warm up I'm sure. We again used the 'secret' entrance to the car park actually on Victoria Park where the race start. Please don't tell anyone, let's keep it a secret.

This race has come on a lot since I last ran it two years ago but it does still feel like it’s being organised as a small local race rather than a big city one that it currently pulling 2,500. At least race packs were posted out this year and we don’t get the timing chip fiasco of 2013. There’s nothing really wrong with the race, it could just be ran a lot slicker and I really wish they would do away with the drinks in cups. This cost me at least a minute as I can’t run and drink, so have to slow to a walk.

That said I liked the course back in 2013 and did a good time. It doesn’t appear to have changed, so I like it just as much this time.

I get a good start as we head out along the Melton Road and out of Leicester. The first half is all on main roads then at 6 miles we hit Watermead Country Park where the race splits and the full marathoners are sent off somewhere. I know not where.

Us halfies do a long stint through Watermead and other assorted Leicester Parks before ending up at the National Space Centre at mile 10 and then onto Abbey Park. Mile 12-13 takes us through the pedestrianised shopping centre before the tough last mile up a persistent incline back to Victoria Park.

I cross the line with an official chip time of 1:40:01, very pleased with that. Over two minutes off my time at Derby two weeks ago and a similar amount off my time here in 2013.

Oddly, according to my watch I was actually behind my Derby pace at all the mile markers bar the last one. I was apparently a minute down at times, even at mile 12 I was still 22 seconds behind. Then suddenly at mile 13 I was 70 seconds up and the last .1 took 60 seconds where at Derby it took an alleged 4:36! The vagaries of mile markers....

The medal and long sleeved technical T-shirt aren't great but they did put crisps in the goody bag for the dogs.

Derby City Half Marathon

Apparently it has been 19 years since a half marathon went through the centre of Derby but today they are putting that right. This was something I expected the resurrected Ramathon to deal with in time but they have been beaten to it by the new kid on the block, the Derby City Half. This is a new race from Sporting Futures, the charity who organise the Derby 10K. There is even talk of a full marathon in the future.

With the involvement of Sporting Futures it is perhaps not surprising that huge chucks of the 10k course are used, although in reverse. The race itself starts on Derby University’s Kedleston Road complex and incorporates three city parks into the race.

The field is relatively small with around 600 in it. I’m not sure if this is deliberate for year one but it’s actually not a bad turnout considering the lack of advertising. If it causes traffic chaos then it should achieve sufficient publicity to massively increase its numbers for next year.

First up on the route is Markeaton Park where it’s all twists and turns on gravel paths before we’re heading back past the start and off down Kedleston Road which is straight and slightly downhill. So it’s a fast start and I’m already up on schedule.

Then we are straight through the centre of town, which is nice and with plenty of people out supporting including my nearest and dearest.

The route incorporates the good bits of the 10k course but also the bad bits e.g. it’s a long dull drag across Pride Park to get to Alvaston Park then a long dull drag back alongside the A52.

We then head out to the third and finally park, Darley Park, taking in part of the course of another Derby race, the Colin Potter 10k, before heading back to the city centre and then back to the University.

All the way through I am comfortably up on my pace, I was looking for a 1:44 but should smash that. However throughout the mile markers left something to be desired and the 13 mile marker arrived with around half a mile still to run which they crammed into the alleged last .1 of a mile. Several people reported that even then it was only 12.9 miles but I can’t confirm that.

The finish was seriously uphill but other than that it was pretty flat and I finished in 1:42:49. I'll take that.

Loved the race and I'll be back next year. It’s on a great date as well, midway between the other local city halves at Nottingham and Leicester. So hopefully they won't move it. It throws down the gauntlet to the Ramathon, Derby's other half despite a cheap looking medal and t-shirt. There was also a lack of drinks stations, luckily I had my partner on hand producing extra ones for me.

Nottingham's Robin Hood Half Marathon

Today is my fourth attempt at my home town half marathon and the third different course I’ve ran it on. After the dark days of the last three years where they made everyone explore industrial parks that even us local residents didn’t know existed, then made everyone run two miles up and down the Embankment just to make up the distance, this year we are back to something far more interesting.

Key are the return of the loop around the Castle and the re-addition of Wollaton Park. If you’re a marathoner you even get to run through the Market Square. They have also added a few hills. Nottingham is hilly, so embrace it. They have.

It’s the first time I’ve not driven and parked at the start but attempts to get there by public transport seem a total no starter. All the buses have been rerouted and the tram isn’t running. So L tries to drop me off and we get the first inclining of the traffic chaos to come when we find the QMC roundabout shut from 5:30am rather than the usual 8.00am. No idea why.

L drops me off as close as she can and I walk the rest of the way to the race village whilst she heads home to go line the course. The whole of the Embankment is already one big toilet queue with lines of people snaking off in all directions. I hunt out the secret unmarked urinals which I know will be there somewhere and where they’ll be no queue. If only they advertised these with a big sign and put a load more of them in then it would remove the majority of the men from the portaloo queues.

I do a warm up, then strip and dump my excess kit in the baggage tent before heading to the start in the ‘red’ zone, which is quite near the front. Now to find out how much I’ve over-tapered.

The morning had started out quite cool, in fact the Embankment was shrouded in fog at first but that is now lifting and it looks like it could be a sunny one.

The wheelchairs get a head start, as do the elite (not sure they need it) and then we’re off. Time to check out this new course. The first two miles are great, if a little evil. A short, steep climb up around the Castle, a lot of it on the cobbles where it was also a bit narrow and congested. Then downhill into the Park estate before climbing up out the other side on to Derby Road. This is quite a hill but most likely the highest point of the course.

Surprisingly, as there’s been talk of how hilly the route is this year, from mile 2 onwards it’s pretty flat. Not pan flat, slightly undulating with a few bridges like Abbey Bridge to cross that involve a small climb but nothing really to disrupt your pace much. Even the bit through Wollaton Park is flat as they avoid going anywhere near the hall itself.

I miss a drink station in Wollaton Park which upsets my fuelling strategy slightly but I’ve got a steady eight minute pace on now, as planned. Only problem is that I dawdled to nine minute miles on the first two hilly miles and I never get those minutes back.

I pass L and the boys at four miles but miss them at seven when apparently Doggo decided the correct way was the way I went and not the short way to meet me at the next point as I head back out for a loop alongside the University Lake.

It’s great to do your local race and know large chunks of the route, and this year I certainly do. Unlike on the old course where even I didn’t know where I was at times and the crowds are fantastic this year. I don't think there is a section of the course that doesn't have spectators on  it unlike before when in some places it was just us and the tumble weed.

The University had gone to town by providing their own cheerleaders who gave us all a rousing cheer, wave their pompoms at us then for good measure flashed their chests and knickers as well. Utterly disgusting and incredibly sexist of course but exactly what you need eight miles into a half marathon. Although, I probably don’t speak for all the female competitors when I say that.

I see L and the boys again at ten miles as I kick on towards the finish. I feel I’ve really got the hammer down now but then clock 9:25 between miles ten and eleven. What??? Now that’s demotivating. Then I do 7:10 for the next mile, clearly an impossible feat at that stage of my race and then 7:30 for the next one, all without adjusting my pace. So I think someone put that eleven mile marker in the wrong place.

Finally, the first of three finish lines loom into sight. The first one turned out to actually be the start line again, which we run back through. Then we turn right and run through a big inflatable arch, which wasn’t the finish either but was actually to mark the 13 mile point. Then finally THE finish and they are not lying this time.

My time of 01:47:16 is two minutes outside my planned pace but as I said, I lost those two minutes right at the start and never got them back. Never mind, it’s a good marker before I do the new Derby City Half in two weeks’ time.

I grab my kit and join the massage queue. Sadly I’m allocated a big bruising bloke with tattoos to unlock my calves as does the chap beside me. However the female masseur with the impossibly tight leggings working away at the next table lifts our spirits somewhat.

Then I crawl towards town, walking down the middle of the road between the two rows of stationary traffic. Oh dear, this is going to generate many column inches in the local paper. I pick up the Marathon route on Stoney Street and cheer through those hardly souls doing the Full. The route then takes them right through the Market Square, where they get some fantastic support from the public. I meet L here and then we follow them up Derby Road which is a killer hill to have 20 miles in. We have a pint in the Hand & Heart, then a couple at the Borlase, all the time offering our increasingly drunken support.

The new Marathon route is truly inspiring and I vow to do my first ever Full in my home race next year if I can stay injury free. That is if they keep the same route, which is a big ‘if’ as they seem to have made a bit of a mess of the traffic management. Not sure why Derby Road still needs to be totally shut for a single file of Marathon runners.

Having seen the last runner through, we have a final drink in the Blue Monkey before heading home.

Lichfield 10k

For once it is L not me who arrives pre-injured for a race. I have serious doubts about her completing today’s Lichfield 10k but she proves me wrong and does a decent time too.

I’m sort of happy with my own performance but not happy that Lichfield turns out to be far more undulating than I expected. Actually I had expected it to be very flat, how wrong I was. So this is my excuse for my time of 47.09, which really isn’t great.

Vitruvian Triathlon

Today is the 13th running of the Vitruvian Triathlon, unlucky for some perhaps. The weather dawns pretty good and race day stays dry throughout. This is usual for me to say the least.

Having registered last night and set up my bike in transition at the same time, I probably took it a bit too leisurely on Saturday morning and ended up rushing the few things I had left to do. Not that you can rush much when transition at 5am is a place full of zombified folk who aren’t fully awake yet but will turn into fully honed athletes once they are dipped in reservoir water. I miss part of the race briefing due to my over leisureliness.

The first swim wave is off at 6:15am, I am off in the 5th and last wave at 6.50am. Clearly they are worried about me if everyone else requires such a big head start. They needn’t have been.

The swim is two 950m laps and it's the first time I've done a two lap swim that requires a brief exit from the water and a 25m run back long the 'beach' before getting back in.

I get involved in a few scuffles in the first 100m or so which throws all my breathing and heartbeat out, which means I end up resorting to doggie paddle for a while before moving up to first backstroke and then breaststroke. Eventually I attempt to reengage with front crawl but it takes most of the first lap to do so. I also have blinding cramp in my left calf, not good. I am hauled (helpfully) out of the water by the armpits after the first lap and sent staggering on my way before plunging inelegantly back in.

24 minutes for the first lap isn’t great. The second lap is better in that I manage to swim most of it properly but with the field now well thinned out maintaining direction becomes the new problem and on being hauled out of the water by my armpits for a second time I’m appalled to find that my second lap is no quicker than the first. I will put this down to poor direction finding and the fact that I did drag both legs all the way around due to the calf cramp.

A total swim time of 50:25 is my worst yet. My transition also needs work, 4:03 is pretty terrible really. I ought to be able to halve that but at least now I’m onto the bit that matters most. The 2-lap bike course. I have done this course twice before in the Dambuster Duathlon and this is the first time it hasn't been excessively windy.

Without the wind the terrain doesn’t seem quite so hilly and I also discover to my surprise that the course has some downhills. Previously the in-your-face gale negated these and the nice smooth tarmacked roads are a joy, I hardly see anyone fixing a puncture. 

At the end of lap one I hurl by Outlaw Half branded water bottle at L before picking up a fresh one. I didn’t want my souvenir bottle to be reused and handed back out to someone else.

Lap two goes just as well as lap one and I thoroughly enjoyed minute of the 2:57:06 ride, which is nicely inside the hallowed 3 hours even if it was short. As in 85k rather than the usual 90km for a half iron distance race.

So to the 10.5km out-and-back run along the edge of Rutland Water dodging the ‘tourists’ who really didn’t give a monkeys whether they got in anyone’s way or not. In fact, I think most tried to be as disruptive as possible.

The whole run is a bit of a limp as the cramp in my calf has not eased one bit on the bike, usually it does. So it’s a case of being careful so that it doesn’t turn into a tear. I had already worked out that a 2:05 half would get me in under six hours. I review and recalibrate this at every km mark. Yes, they have km markers here which is about the only thing they did better than the Outlaw. That’s not a criticism of the organisers, it’s just the Outlaw sets the bar very high.

At the end of the first lap I pause for a brief hug with the boys and girl of the support crew before another lap of tourist dodging beckons.

I hold my pace and run a 2:02:16 half finishing in 5:55:50. A mere 1:33 behind the winner but I’m happy with that. I’m called a Vitruvian, handed my medal, t-shirt, crisps for the boys, a biscuit for L and a flap jack for me. Then I’m handed a pint of Erdinger, sadly alcohol free. After writhing in agony on the grass for a while, then being reunited with the support crew, I pass my Erdinger to L and head off in search of any available petite blondes who might wish to massage my legs. They are all booked up apparently but a hulking great male offers to do instead. Beggars can’t be choosers of course and he does a brilliant job of reintegrating my calf with the rest of my body. Then I borrow some money off L to pay him before grabbing another Erdinger, sadly still alcohol free.

Life Cycle 5

Today it’s Life Cycle 5 which is a low budget Cycle Sportive running from Nottingham University and in aid of dementia research. There are two road routes, a 75 miler and a 50 miler. I do the 50 which heads out westward to the north of Derby before heading back.

I am on the front row when we start and end up being in the lead for quite a while as others decide to pedal slowly. Then a guy who has been shadowing me decides I’m also pedalling far too slowly and leaves me for dust. I’m also one of only a few making use of the two feed stations, a lot choose not to stop at all. Personally I can’t pass up on a complimentary flapjack.

L comes to meet me as I cross the line in 3 hours 12 minutes, which is not really the sort of pace I was looking for pre-Vitruvian next week. Then again it was hilly but then so is the Vitruvian.

I have a novel post-ride massage with one masseur on each leg, which is great idea except they are both doing totally different things to me at the same time. So I may walk oddly afterwards.

Notts 5

Having not injured myself in Friday’s 10k, I opt to have another go in tonight’s Notts 5 which starts and finishes on the Embankment.

I still opt to cycle to and from work though, which gets the legs going.

L won’t be wearing the new running shoes I got her for her birthday. They are too squeaky but having spoken to the brilliant Wiggle they have confirmed that they have a manufacturing defect and a replacement pair are already on their way to us.

I run a decent 36.10 five miler. Which is faster than both 2013 and 2014 but some way short of 2011. Like two and a half minutes short. Then there was 2007 but that was a different life.

This year’s time was helped by racing against a girlie who clearly had no intention of letting me beat her and obviously I had no intention of not beating her. We ran the second of the two laps side by side and both sprinted for the line before collapsing in separate heaps after a brief friendly handshake of course. I won by the way, just. When I come round, I am yet again handed a bottle of beer, I could get to like this new trend.

I crawl to the car, get the boys and then we all cheer L across the line before going for a recovery drink in the Navigation.

Tara Kinder 10k

I go for another lunchtime brick session so I will be crawling tonight, when I should actually be running as I have booked into the Tara Kinder 10k at Elvaston Castle.

 

Just to make matters even more crawling, I part jog part bus my way over.

The course is a potentially soul destroying three laps but it’s still not too bad an event. I go for it from the off and go through 5k in 22:06. Now that’s not too shifty. I blow up somewhat after that and finish the 10k in 45:53. I even win a spot prize of a bottle of beer, so it was worth coming after all. Then there are some decent bacon butties too.

Great Manchester Swim

Not quite such an early start today as we head over for the Great Manchester Swim which is actually held in Salford. Although the start would have been even earlier had my partner managed to negotiate a Parkrun into the schedule.

I am due to be tipped into Salford Quays at 11am, my partner starts at 1pm, with a dog shaped baton change in between.

I’m hoping that the super clean dock water won't irritate my assorted abrasions from this week's cycling mishap too badly. I hate to think what’s in the water.

It is actually the best Great Swim I’ve done because the course isn’t just a great big loop. The route takes you around one part of the Quays then through a linking channel known as the Mariner’s Canal before emerging into a separate part of the Quays where the finish is.

Some will disagree but it’s not terribly scenic as the view is mostly of the brick sides of the Quay and the feet of the person in front of you. It’s also the warmest swim I’ve done with the water temperature over 18 degrees. I was sweating into my neoprene by the time I’d finished.

Derby Ramathon

Hell may be about to freeze over, again. Yes, the Blot on the Landscape is here.

I drag L kicking and screaming down to Pride Park from where the second running of the re-launched Derby Ramathon will take place. Last year the start and finish were held at Elvaston Castle when the race returned after an 18 year gap. This year it moves closer to the city by starting and finishing in the shadow of Derby County’s stadium. Sadly not inside it due to ongoing closed season pitch renovations. It’s too hot for the dogs, so they are left at home.

The route is similar to last year's, in that it again takes in Shardlow, Ambaston, Elvaston and the Castle grounds but there’s a bit more purpose to route this year, less jiggery pokery to get the distance in.

After escorting L to her start pen and making sure she is wedged in enough to avoid escape, I head to my own pent where I promptly bump into a fellow dog club member. It’s not often you see a dog club person running for more than the 40 seconds it takes to get around an agility course so here we have a clear exception. It’s also clear, we have a race on.

I start and almost immediately see my parents supporting. They don’t see me, so I do a wildly unpopular about turn and swim against the tide of 2,700 runners to get back to greet them. Then having wasted valuable seconds, I’m back on it.

The aim is steady eight minute miles all the way round and therefore a finish time of around 1:45. It probably won’t happen but it’ll be fun failing.

It’s a very flat course straight down the A6 (or whatever it’s called now it’s been bypassed) from Wilmorton to Shardlow, so pace management goes well. It helps that there are plenty of supporters out on the course cheering us along and there are plentiful supplies of iPro to swig on. Scrub that last bit, iPro may contain more natural ingredients that your standard sports drinks but it really does taste disgusting.

It all goes swimmingly well and on pace until at the seven mile point when my knee seems go. This is it, game over, time to walk home. Unlike at last week's Outlaw Half there's been no soft grass to run on and the pounding on the tarmac has taken its toll.

However after hopping on one leg for a quarter of a mile or so, the knee seems to go beyond pain and I continue... and continue. All the way through Elvaston Castle and back along the surprisingly well supported river path to the finish.

I finish in 1:46, a missed target for sure but one I’ll put down as just outside the wire of the bullseye rather than one that sailed wide and landed in the next field. Job done and a better t-shirt than last year.

Then I sit down and settle in to wait for L, target time 4 hours. I didn’t believe her and she didn’t believe herself either. She comes in, in over 90 minutes under that. Bravo but she still isn’t happy.

We briefly meet up with my Mum and Dad at their place afterwards before heading home to placate the dogs enough so that we can leave them again later to go to the Hand and Heart for Sunday lunch. Then the Blue Monkey for a Chocolate Gorilla or two and finally a Tuck in the Borlase.

(Sunday 7^th June)

Outlaw Half

Yesterday my partner gets a leisurely 12.30 start for her triathlon. This morning it’s 4:15am when I awake to the sound of rain pounding on the roof. It’s the day of the third Outlaw Half and the first to come with bad weather. Joy.

I suppose the rain doesn’t make an awful lot of difference to the swim. Although the wind might, as there does appear to be a few waves scuttling across the swim course but again you can’t really tell once you’re in there. In any case, I’m capable of near drowning in a mill pond.

The swim is the usual combination of elbows in the face and feet in the stomach, just all served a bit colder than last year. My swim disappoints a touch, four minutes down on last year at 43:06. I’ll blame the weather.

My swim to bike transition is down on last year too, I take a terribly leisurely six minutes. I’ll blame the weather for that too.

The bike is my favourite bit and still is, even in the rain which has now become intermittent. Every time you think it’s stopped, it comes back to give you another drenching. It’s not as bad as last year’s Sundowner and again the rain isn’t really the problem unless you’re one of the poor guys who overcooked it and finished the race in an ambulance.

The problem is the wind. It was often a case of simply head down and pedal aggressively into it. All you could do was pin your gaze on the bike and the rear end of the person in front of you, which are all helpfully named so that you can curse ‘Wayne’ when he zooms past you and disappears off up the road. You don’t follow too closely of course because that would be classed as drafting or alternatively perving. Nonetheless I would like to pay thanks to the bottoms of Tamara, Rebecca and Rob! Whom kept me going but whose faces I never saw.

My bike is four minutes slower and yes, I’ll blame the weather.

I had promised myself to do a decent swim and an awesome bike, so that I could take the run steady to preserve the knees for next weekend’s Ramathon, which I really really want to do.

Having done a less than decent anything so far, Plan A is already in the bin. I try and have a strong run whilst trying to run on the grass as much as possible to protect my knees. Yes my run is also slightly down on last year and I can’t blame the weather any more as it’s fined up now.

So I miss six hours by as much as I coasted under it last year, yet still had a brilliant time as this is such a brilliant well put together event.

I finish and immerse myself in the post-race wonderland, where there is post-race chilli/curries/pasta etc on tap, teas, muffins, folk willing to rub their hands over whatever you like (within reason) and Erdinger alcohol free everywhere. Actually it’s a shame they couldn’t have got some Erdinger not alcohol free in for afterwards.

Leicester's Big 10k

Today is the Leicester 10k, two laps of Abbey Park and advertised as (but aren’t they all) fast and flat. Shoot me now.

Actually, it’s not that bad. A bit twisty at first, so certainly not fast but there are some nice straight road sections as well. Although both these sections are up slight but constant inclines, so not flat either. None of it is on grit paths as I expected and I even quite enjoy myself. Nothing twangs, snaps or breaks. I take it easy for the first 2k, saying to myself that any pace will do but what I actually do, 4:45 per km isn’t bad.

Then I try to hang my hat on 4:30 for the rest of the way round and nearly nail it finishing in 46:28. It’s my fastest for a year. Not that I’ve done many. Meanwhile L is again getting all flirtatious with the hour and one day soon they will have an emotional coming together. She comes home today in 62 minutes.

Tour de Yorkshire

The Tour de Yorkshire otherwise known as Le Bloody Tour by my partner. L and I are doing the sportive on day three just hours ahead on the professional race. Stage three actually race runs from Wakefield to Leeds but our sportive is Leeds to Leeds. Otherwise they’d have to bus everyone to either the start or the finish. The whole thing is inspired by the Grand Départ of the Tour de France that of course was in Yorkshire last year.

Today we face the same hills and are supported by almost the same sized crowds, who even come out in numbers for the sportive riders. That’s even more impressive when you realise that we awoke to heavy rain pounding on the house roof morning followed by heavy rain pounding the car as we drove up the M1.

I have been allocated a 9:46 start time for the medium distance 108km route and a plea to be there an hour before, which due to traffic we fail miserably on. L has a slightly later start time as she is doing the short distance 55km route or the Cycletta that isn't. The standard short distance 55km starts at the same time and runs over the same course, so the ‘Cycletta’ can hardly be described as women only.

Now to decide how far to go with the waterproofs. The forecast says it’s probably going to rain for most of the day.

I was one of the last to start and the course is a brute, which may make reaching the cut off time at Ilkey interesting. So full kudos to the professional who are doing this a lot faster than we are. After about an hour the rain eases and eventually stops, I wasn’t expecting that. I roll into the first feed station at Cullingworth having done 49km. The feed is disappointing, serving just cold potatoes, a few digestives and some sweets plus sports drink. Good job I have some bars and gels with me as there’s not much to top up your energy levels there.

A short stop, then off again. The route is nice, jaw droppingly beautiful and the roads are in decent condition. I know they resurfaced many for last year’s race. Then there’s the girls in bikinis braving the weather, stood at the side of the road and waving flags. Then there are the hallucinations brought on by the cold and the lack of food at the feed station. I hope L’s warmed up on her ride. I text her, although her phone keeps going flat and is unlikely to last the day. I get a reply, all seems good.

The terrain, which was tough, suddenly gets tougher. There’s the cobbled climb near Haworth, which was definitely a highlight and then there was Goose Eye, which was astonishingly steep.

Then there are the rivers of blood down some of the descents. That’s not a pretty sight. On one particular stretch we have to ride around four ambulances and in the end were told to get off and walk. Such steep descents and wet roads are not a happy combination.

I head through Silsden and Addingham where we watched the Tour de France from last year. We pass the pub we watched from where once again a crowd has gathered and they cheer us through.

The second feed station is on the Ilkley Road at 70km and this is the vital cut off point. If you don’t get here with room to spare before the pro-race you’re going to have to park up for a while. My group makes it with 20 minutes to spare. Enough time to tuck in to the trays of mini Yorkshire pudding filled with sausages and onion gravy. There are also freshly baked flapjacks. This feed station is as awesome as the first one was awful. L say her feed station was rubbish too and she didn’t get to go to this one. After about five of each, I pedal off and head up the Cow and Calf climb.

The final big climb is the Chevin and it was just after this that my bike decided it had had enough. I’d been experiencing a bit of gear slip with the bike jumping out of lowest gear last week and I’d adjusted things so now it was much better but not quite perfect. Occasionally I had to hold it in gear. I’m not sure if this was a factor of not, when my chain snapped with 11km to go.

L has already finished in 3:32. I could be a lot longer. According to the official timings I had crested the Chevin in 4:46, personally I’d take about 30 minutes off that for my two stops.

I look around for a service bike, they were everywhere earlier. In the end I dial the emergency rescue number. Please send Thunderbirds 1 and 2. What do you mean they’re busy? Instead I book a place on the broom wagon. How embarrassing, although L will be dead jealous.

Unfortunately they tell me that they can’t get to me because the main race is imminent. They tell me it could be hours, so I watch the pro-race go through and then start walking. L meanwhile tries to find me but it’s not easy and she returns to the car park.

I get rescued quicker than expected, although the chap who picks me then gets lost but we get to the car park eventually. Where L is waiting. It's been an inglorious end but it's still the best event I've ever done.

Rutland CiCLE Tour Sportive

L gives me my birthday present early. Some new cycling shorts which I can now wear in today’s sportive. L doesn't make the start line but comes to support with the boys. Who weren’t going to get to come but now do. Again it’s bloody windy. What is it with the weather and my bike at the moment?

This is the Rutland CiCLE Tour Sportive and I’m doing 57 miles, there are two longer and one shorter options. We start from Normanton on the South Shore of Rutland Water, which is the other side to where the duathlon starts. We still end up parking at Sykes Lane though and I have to bike round. This turns out to be 2.4 miles and I’m knackered before I even start. L points out that this is a good warm up.

It takes me 1 hour 33 minutes to reach the one and only feed station at Owston. Shoot me now, as some folk would say. At least they have some decent snacks and real tea, L would approve. I stash some cheesy biscuits in my pocket for later, for the boys.

It’s a tough ride. As well as being windy, the course is hilly. Full of silly little hills that they appear to have gone out of their way to find. At least my new shorts are nice and snug.

I reach the finish, having done 57.58 miles in 3:44. Not exactly quick.

Cycle Derby Spring Sportive

Today we head off to the Derby Velodrome (or Arena if you insist) for the second Cycle Derby Sportive and their first spring one. I had packed shorts and short sleeves for this one but as soon as we arrive the wind blows us off our feet. Time for a rethink. On go the arm warmers, the long trousers and the full fingered gloves.

L is not sure she can manage 50 miles so downgrades to the 30 mile route. She’s not the only one, faced with some challenging conditions many don’t fancy it and the 100 mile route seems sparsely attended.

All the way around the roads of South Derbyshire and Leicestershire the swirling wind never seems to be behind us, always either in your face or blowing sideways. Luckily there aren’t many hills, the few that do come seems to be centred around Swithland in Leicestershire. A place I have un-fond memories of from our orienteering days.

The first stop on my 50 mile route (correction 53 mile route) is on the roadside somewhere just outside Barrow upon Soar, we have done 21 miles but the food stocks aren’t great. They only have energy bars and they are running out fast.

My pace is less than I would have liked but I can’t find anyone to pull me along. In fact I often end up with a group behind me using me as a shield to the wind.

After 43 miles we are somewhere near Breedon on the Hill and a much better stop with plenty of sausage rolls and cheesy pastries. Just 10 miles to go but still the wind hasn’t changed direction.

When I roll across the finish line, it isn’t there. In fact the whole event village is nowhere to be seen, having been blown off Pride Park. They have all moved into the Velodrome foyer where they dispense hot soup and medals.

Dambuster Duathlon

Today is the day, the Dambuster Duathlon which takes place amid challenging, windy conditions. I am almost fit for it. I feel that if I’d had another week the Achilles might be fully recovered but as it isn’t it’s all about surviving the initial 10k run. So its head down and go into the wind coming off the reservoir.

This is a qualifier for the ITU World Championships and I think this has cut the numbers a touch. Clearly some are not up for it. So this year we have three waves rather than four and they’ve also closed the start times up. Meaning I now start with the oldies and the women start just five minutes behind me rather than twenty minutes last year. I’m going to get overtaken a lot. The first woman passed me on the bike last year, they’ll pass me on the run this time.

I can't even keep pace with the person in the 'fat lad at the back' t-shirt. I hasten to add that although he is indeed a lad, he is neither at the back nor fat. I'm also very surprised you can get those t-shirts in Extra Small.

I safely negotiate the run without further injury and my 48:20 is only slightly slower than last year when I was also protecting an injury. I follow 'fat lad' in to transition but then don't see him for dust on the bike. The bike nicely takes the weight off the Achilles but it’s far from easy given that the first nine miles are always hilly but today are straight into the wind.

At times I thought I was going to start rolling backwards such was the painfully slow progress on those first nine miles in to a strong headwind. It was windy last year but not like this.

Once those initial nine are out of the way the remaining sixteen are much easier and sometimes even wind assisted. 01:34:49 is slightly slower than last year but that was the winds fault.

The final run is a battle, a painful battle, which I know means I won’t be walking normally for a while but 26:30 means I get the job done in 2:52:37. I think I enjoyed that.

A corking 280th place. I have earned the t-shirt, the pint of alcohol free lager and the massive flapjack thing that you could feed a family of five for a week on.

Alsager 5

Today we head off to do the Alsager 5 mile race. My partner remembers that the last time we did it in 2013, I asked her to check the ditches for me in case I'd collapsed. So I must have been injured that year as well. I think perhaps she best do the same again this time.

We've been posted numbers but we have to collect our timing chips on the day, which seems a bit of a waste of postage but there you go. They also hand out the race t-shirt before we start, which is helpful if you don’t reach the finish because you’re in a ditch.

The race is full and there’s nearly 900 here, an impressive turn out. Conditions are cold and I wrap up warm, with running tights in case I have to crawl out of the aforementioned ditch and walk back.

I recall that in 2013 I had to overtake L because she had started up front with the elites. I think this was because the race set off in the opposite direction to what we were expecting. We don’t make the same mistake today.

 

It starts ok and I do the first mile in 07:52, not blinding by any means but adequate. Then the tight calves kick in and I have to stop every half a mile to stretch them out. Oddly my finishing time of 43:25 is three whole minutes quicker than in 2013. I must have been really badly injured that year.

More worryingly is that I bounced back from that poor time in 2013 and ran 38:02 for five miles only a fortnight later. That’s not going to happen this time.

Not The Roman XI

Can I manage ‘Not The Roman XI’? Are my knees are up to 12k? There’s only one way to find out I suppose. L reassures me that she'll pick me up as she goes past.

We head to Stratford Upon Avon for the 11am start, which is a long walk from the race HQ. I remember it well from when we were here a few years back.

It’s hillier than I remember. Cough cough wheeze wheeze. I walk several sections, partly as a precaution when my knee/calves come under too much strain but also out of necessity when my lungs are ready to burst. How did I become this unfit?

The upshot is that I cover the 12kms in 1:07:11 at a rate of 5:36 per km and finish 468^th. In 2012, I completed it in 53:21 at 4:27 per km and came 148^th. Compare and contrast. How the 'mighty' have fallen.